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For instance, Tanya would have a problem every weekend knowing that Doug was spending a lot of time with me and his family.
If she trusted him and believed he kept his commitment to her, why was she jealous? Willard Harley suggests in “His Needs Her Needs,” the affair partner may meet one or two of the spouse’s needs perfectly, but the husband/wife are meeting all the others.
I felt that they were meant to be together and that they had figured out what it took to have a lasting long term relationship. In the beginning it may appear flattering that a person would lie and break their commitment to their spouses just to be with another.
Obviously I was wrong, and after watching my brother’s affair go down the tubes, I have come to some conclusions on why affairs don’t last. However, as the relationship progresses, the cheating spouses begin to wonder if they are lying and betraying each other as well.
I can’t stop thinking about what a mess my brother has created and how difficult it will be to fix. Affairs cause so much long term damage — all for just a short term of gratification.
I felt that way mainly due to what he hold told me about his relationship with Tanya.
Besides the obvious of losing their current spouse, they are subject to lose the love and respect of their children, friends and family.
They are subject to losses both financially and emotionally as well.
He also found that she wasn’t doing a very good job at meeting those needs that she initially had met perfectly. Because of the dynamics of the affair, life’s realities rarely enter into the affair relationship. The cheating spouses also bring to their relationship the same problems they had in their marriage.
Therefore, the cheating spouses seem to possess all the qualities for each other that they thought had been lacking in their lives previously. Just because everything is wonderful right now and they feel that their spouses are the reason for their discontent, they will soon learn that their new relationship will just be as unsatisfying and problematic. Eventually the secrecy, excitement and newness of the relationship wear off.